I AM ENGAGED!!!!!


<33333

So, I figured I would share my plans because I am SO excited about it!

There are a LOT of birthdays in September: My sister's is the 10th, my cousin Robbie's is the 17th, mine is the 24th, and Mike's is the 27th. Also, the week of our birthdays is mine and Mike's ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!

So, I am planning a big thing for everybody's birthdays and my anniversary. I asked grandma about it and she agrees and thinks it is a very good idea and I convinced her to take off on SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 for it. If she can get off, I will request off as well and then this thing will be on the road!

Here is my plan: Grandma has been wanting to go to the beach for a day since we visited Sandy Point last week. I came up with the idea of having a picnic at the beach during the day that Saturday and then coming back in the late afternoon, like 4 or 5, and having a party here at grandma's house. Going to the beach would be Grandma, Mommy, me, Mike, Michelle (my sister), and the kids Lana and Robbie. I'm hoping Nichole and Max come as well as much because they are family too and should be invited as we will need an extra car regardless and will need one of them to drive! lol. There is a playground at the beach for the kids to play on. I hope it isn't too cold...the water should be relatively warm since it will be very late in the summer/early autumn. I plan on having a lunch picnic with light stuff like sandwhiches, chicken and tuna salad, macaroni and potato salad, chips, and juice and soda. Maybe I can get grandma to make some of her good bbq chicken?? Yum! I should bring some balls and frisbees and stuff for those who don't want to get in the water, and just in case the weather is bad.

We will probably leave the beach around 3:30 or 4 so that I can get home early enough to prepare dinner before everybody starts arriving. I will have everything prepared in advance so all I have to do is stick it on the stove/in the oven when I get home. I plan on making my favorite thing that my cousin Nichole (lana and robbie's mommy) taught me to make: spinach and feta cheese stuffed boneless chicken breast. It is delicious and not overly hard to prepare. I don't remember how long it cooks for but I will have to find out. I intend on sending out invitations and decorating too, and ordering 2 cakes: one big one for all the birthday people, and a smaller one for mine and Mike's anniversary. We will also have ice cream and chips and drinks. I also plan on playing a variety of music. I can easily get decorations and invitations from the dollar store and grandma will be helping with the food but I will be doing all the preparation. The only decorations I want are streamers, a banner or two, LOTS of balloons, and some ribbons or something. I intend on asking for presents on the invitations lol. We can sing happy birthday and all the birthday people can blow out lots of candles lol. And open presents! I am SO SO excited because I only remember one real birthday party that I had when I lived on potomac street and I was about 8 or 9...I also got one when I was 5 but I only remember that by pictures.

The people who I plan to invite to the party are: everybody from the picnic, James and Lily, Ronald and Sara and their baby and MAYBE chris (thats a huge iffy one), Tommy and Sherry, Michael, Jeffrey, Amber, Ashley and Katie and the baby, Ashley michelle's friend, and maybe one or two other people Michelle might want to invite. For my personal reference, the list is:

1. Grandma (65, family)
2. Mommy (41, family)
3. Michelle (16, family)
4. Me (20)
5. Mike (34)
6. Nichole (22, family)
7. Max (22, family)
8. Alana (3, family)
9. Robbie (2, family)
10. James (34 or something??, mine and mike's friend)
11. Lily (Like 22 I think?, mine and mike's friend)
12. Ronald (19 or 20, mine and mike's friend)
13. Sara (19 or 20, mine and mike's friend)
14. Isaac (Ron and Sara's baby) (bout 2 months lol)
14. Chris (28, mine and mike's friend)
15. Tommy (20, my friend, sorta mike's friend)
16. Sherry (17, my friend, sorta mike's friend)
17. Michael (21, my friend)
18. Jeffrey (17, my friend, also chelle's friend)
19. Amber (19 or 20?, mine and chelle's friend)
20. Ashley C. (17 or 18, my friend)
21. Katie (15, my friend)
22. Brielle (Ashley's baby) (1)
23. Ashley Z. (16, chelle's friend)
24. Nick (16, chelle's friend)
25. Stephanie (16, chelle's friend)
26. Taylor (17, mine and chelle's friend)

Now before I get lectured about a 26 person party... Not all of these people are going to come and not everyone is going to be there at one time. I have enough experience with parties to know that people will say they will come and show up at the last minute or not at all while others will be there just for the food, and others will be there from beginning to end, sometimes helping even to set up and clean up. We have seating for 10 or 11 people on the first floor plus by then my basement will be set up and people can go down there, and people can go in Michelle's room. Obviously some people will be with Michelle in one part of the house, me and Mike in another, and some people will stay with Mommy and grandma on the 1st floor (like Lana Robbie Nichole and Max). I think our house can easily comfortably fit 20 people for a few hours. Although now that I think about it, with a list that big, maybe dinner for everybody would be a bad idea...maybe I could make something easy to make in huge portions like Chili or some other soup, or spaghetti, etc... I will have to think on that one further. I won't be upset if I decide to just cut dinner out. I will need to send out 9 or 10 invitations seeing as babies don't get invitations, immediate family doesn't get invitations, couples get one invitation, and mike and i don't get invitations. I think the party should be from about 5:30-9pm. That gives me time to prepare after the picnic, and gives time for the stragglers at the end of the party to leave before its way too late, and time to clean up before bed. It should all be said and done by 11, no later than 12.

Current Mood: ecstatic

I found out today that my family's cat Sassy died last night. She was 16 years old. We've had her since she was only maybe 3 or 4 years old. You would think that I would feel more emotion when my childhood pet, who I've had since I was practically a baby, dies. I'm just glad I wasn't the one who found her. She was miserable, though, so atleast now she can rest in peace. I will never forget her. I didn't think she would ever go.


<333 RIP SASSY <333

Current Mood: listless

is so fucking accurate.

Sara took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Feels as if her hopes and dreams have been unfairl..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

I've been struggling with this situation for the past 5 months and it has led to a lot of tension, disagreement, and wedges put in my relationships, including with Mike. I ran into Tommy today and Mr. Tom and they were telling me about how Ms. Mary doesn't like the feeling she gets about Mike. They said its nothing personal, there is just something about him that makes her uncomfortable. This confused and frustrated me all the more though I didn't let it show..I just said I understood and reinforced my decision to stay with Mike. But that discussion did nothing to ease the thoughts that I've been struggling with...I finally got Pastor Steve off my back by pissing him off to the point of him dropping it, but it is so disconcerting to think about just how many people feel this way about Mike. So tonight, I decided to write an email to his aunt and uncle about it in a quest for some new input from HIS side of the tracks, from the people who raised him and knew him before I did.

( Cut for length... )

Current Mood: frustrated

A friend of mine from college posted this on Facebook, and I really liked how descriptive she was, and I agree with her point. I need to work on changing my outlook on sex as well...but I do think that some connotations of "sex" are simply...dirty? Idk, just wrong, I could write about my opinions but I don't have time. For example, porn, especially. Anyway, here's her post:

Sex has become taboo, and I think it has to do with the maturity of the individual, and their intention behind talking about it. I do think we as Christians need to take back the beauty of making love. We do need to talk about it in light of Gods will for our lives, and make the subject of sex glorifying to Him. However, I think we don’t do this as Christians. I think we make light of it, joke about it because it is taboo. We like to see those who were raised in a very conservative home squirm in their seats as we talk about things they were taught was "dirty." When we joke about sex or make light of it, we are taking away the beauty, and contribute to the culture we are fighting against. When we refuse to joke about sex, it makes the subject of sex demand more respect. We give back the dignity to the subject that the culture, and Satan, has taken away. Let’s say sex is a woman k? Sex has been created by God to be beautiful. She has been created special, unique, modest, exciting, and should be held highly in respect. We don’t shut her away in some dark closet, and bring her out only to humiliate her and expose her as something dirty and sinful...but we have. We poke fun at her, and in her shame, she has believed the lies that both Christians and Non Christians have said about her. We have taken away her knowledge and understanding of being beautiful, and have told her that she does not deserve any respect by ridiculing her and using her for our own purposes. She has become angry and bitter at those who have mocked her. She runs through the streets, sleeping with every man inside their hearts destroying their lives and pulls them away from God. She has declared war on man for His cruelty to her. However, like every woman, she still deeply longs to not be seen as an object of sin, but deeply longs for the love and intimacy that only a man can fulfill. She wants to feel protected and rescued from her state of depravity. Sincerely, she hopes that in her revenge she finds a man who will redeem her, yet she finds no one. Bitterness and wrath come upon her. She even looks to the Christians now, hoping that they will understand her because, like them, she has been wonderfully made by their God. However, they are no different. At least the secular gave her attention and what seems like love for the moment. The Christians are worse, they not only humiliate her by stripping her naked and exposing her as something dirty, but they have condemned her. They throw her out of the churches and bring her back only during dirty conversations between perverted few. Broken and frail, she looks up to heaven and asks God "Is this how your chosen is called to be?" She desires so much to give up on mankind. She begins to hate man for everything he stands for. She has declared war on the church. Like every other creation created by God, she still longs for the acceptance for her existence. Are we really willing to be her kinsman redeemer? Are we going to stop hiding her away and stop mocking her? Are we determined to stop saying "well this is the culture and there’s nothing we can do about it?" I hope at least I can be. When I talk about her, I hope to reveal her the way God intended. I tend to keep her special and not allow my culture to overrule my heart for her. I love her and hope that I will cherish her in my heart, mind body and soul.

Current Mood: tired

There are so many things going on in my life right now, and I wonder if writing about it will make me feel better?

I've been fighting tooth and nail to defend my relationship to every single person I talk to who "cares about me". The relationship itself is going extraordinarily. I am very happy with Mike and I love him so much. I wish people wouldn't focus so much on his past, on his first impression, and on their judgments. I got an email yesterday with a Washington Post newspaper article about Mike and what he did and everything. My heart stopped for a second thinking that maybe it was something else, something more recent, maybe there was something else that he hasn't told me....but Thank God it wasn't that. Almost every detail in the article Mike has already discussed with me, even since the first week I knew him. The anonymous person who sent it I think intended to "open my eyes" and try to get me to reconsider my relationship with Mike, but they only did the opposite...they made me trust him more by proving to me that he was being completely honest and told me the whole truth without leaving anything out. In the time that we've been together, Mike has been called (by people who "love" me) many things like a hardened criminal, a cold blooded murderer, a pedophile, a sociopath/psychopath, untrustworthy, secretive, etc. Livejournal Friends, do you think this is right? How much attention should I pay to these petty insults when I KNOW otherwise about him? I know most people do not approve of my relationship, but some people have gone SO FAR to try to convince me that they are right that it is sickening...my pastor especially! So much that it has driven me away from church. Is there anybody out there who supports us, who is happy for me, who trusts me to make my own decisions and do what I believe to be right??? (Not that it will make a difference in my decision to support Mike, but its always nice to know if someone else has your back, or if it truly is us against the world.) I want to assure you all, also, that I am not shunning people's concern and advice just to be rebellious and childish. I am shunning them and their opinions because I see no basis for concern. I have heard them out, all of them, listened and examined and considered all of their opinions, and I can truthfully agree with none of them. I don't intend to be hardheaded, but at this point in time, no one knows Mike better than I do except for GOD himself, other people's opinions of him are simply judgments based on short interactions with him and their knowledge of his past. With the knowledge that I am NOT going to change my mind, and without telling me to simply "pray about it", since that advice is what has gotten me to this place, does anybody have any advice they can offer? Any encouragement? Any kind, consoling words that maybe I AM doing the right thing??? Does anybody out there even understand why I've made the decisions I have??!

Curse church right now. Curse judgmental, always do good know best Christians. Curse curse curse.

The second thing that has been on my plate lately is YOUTH GROUP. Youth Group has the capability of simultaneously being a joy and a curse. I love watching the kids grow and learn and at the same time it can be so frustrating. And once I get past the frustrating part that they dont pay any attention to me, my pastor has to go and put rules and expectations on me, saying that I can't visit other churches (I like to go to Streetlite with Mike sometimes because he prefers it but always comes to Canton with me) and that I always need to be aware of the fact that I am a leader and I can not lead the younger ones astray. I agree with that, but I am not ready to grow that fast yet, I am not good enough yet. Pastor Steve said he understood that and he is just happy that I am in the process of growing...yet he still consistently goes and lectures me and preaches to me about everything from my relationship with my family to my relationship with my boyfriend to visiting other churches. It's very hard to grow or change at all when so many shortcomings are being pointed out to you at the same time, when you are expected to measure up to a certain standard, and when you don't even agree with half of what is pointed out to you as being wrong! God's word is clear on what God's will is, yes, but I don't agree with you, so one of us has to be wrong, and it is probably me, but let me please find that out on my own. I have been going through this for MONTHS with Pastor Steve and it has pissed me off SO bad to the point that I just gave up trying to be respectful and polite, but I came right out and told him how I felt and everything that was on my mind. Now he's kinda ticked off at me, mostly because of our conversation about Mike though.

Finally, I'm stressed because I need a job, I don't have a place to call home, and my family minus my sister and cousin are DICKS. I've been bouncing around for the past few weeks because of the past argument I had with my grandmother. She basically told me "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE" (yes thats a direct quote) after finding out that I lost my potbelly job. o_O Then she said I didn't have to leave, I guess trying to act like she was just bluffing. But I was like, look, I'm sick of the head games, I'm sick of her control issues, I'm sick of her trying to hold my situation over my head, I'm sick of her making me pay rent like an adult but minding my personal business like I'm a child. I've also been desperate for my own place and everything for a while now, so I decided that maybe, just maybe, if I break myself out of that mold, that regularity of "home", and I create a real NEED for myself to find my own place, then maybe it will speed the process a lot, make me try harder, and make my outlook on life better all around when I am not in that poisonous place they call home. But what makes it all the more stressful is that I've only been criticised about my decision to leave. I've been told that I am making the wrong choices, that I "belong" at my grandmothers, that I am being ungrateful for all that she's done for me, that I am disrespecting her by wanting her out of my business. But these people who are telling me these things have never been in my house in the middle of a fight. They've never lived there, they dont have a clue how stressful it is, and they try to blame it on me and say I'm just not trying! Well I think THEY are wrong. And, I am not being ungrateful for giving my grandmother a break. I am grateful for all that she's done for me all my life, but I hate who she is when she gets resentful, and it seems to only happen more and more lately. I refuse to be my mother, living in my grandmothers house when I am 40 years old. So now I don't have a place to call home, I don't have a job, I despise my pastor and my mother and my grandmother, and i love my boyfriend to death but have to constantly fight for him.


Thank GOD there are still people in this world who love me. You know the best thing I've heard in a while? I asked max and nichole if I could stay with them, and max asked when, and i said this weekend, and he was like, You can come over now if you want. ^_^ I haven't felt so welcome anywhere in I don't know how long...and to think I was all nervous about asking if I could stay there for a while! It's nice to know that there are people who are there for me no matter what, like Ms. Dawn, Nichole & Max, and Mike.

Current Mood: stressed

I know, I know, he's not technically my spouse yet, but i can stilla nswer questions. =)


This is kind of like the 25 things - except there are pre-decided questions and it's about you and your spouse, not just you. Come on, play along - inquiring minds want to know! ;-)Just copy this post into your own notes & change the answers!


♥ What are your middle names?
Mine is Marie and his is Kenneth.

♥ How long have you been together?
February makes 5 months =)

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
...literally, all of three days.

♥ Who asked who out?
it was mutual consent lol, being in a relationship was one of the first topics we discussed, but it was me who decided when to make it "official".

♥ How old are each of you?
He is 33 and I am 19.

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most?
Mine...he has no contact with any of his siblings.

♥ Do you have any children together?
not yet, but one day

♥ What about pets?
he doesn't have any, I have two dogs and two cats. In the future though we will probably have 2 or 3 dogs and maybe a cat and some reptiles..we both love animals!

♥ Did you go to the same school?
no. he grew up in a different county than I did and dropped out of high school anyway.

♥ Are you from the same home town?
Not really...the same state, but not the same county/city

♥ Who is the smartest?
I will say that I am more educated than him. He is smart, but his learning ability can be complicated by his short attention span. I've found that he catches on to things quickly, though.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
Sensitive as in emotional? I'd say me because I'm a female, but he has his mood swings as well.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
*shrug* wherever...food courts, fast food, mostly..

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
To PG (or is it Montgomery? i cant remember...) County to visit his uncle for Christmas.

♥ Who has the worst temper?
I'd say he does, not saying that I don't easily get irritated/mad/pissed off..but his reactions are more intense than mine, and mine last longer. We balance eachother out, lol.

♥ Who does the cooking?
me. He hasn't cooked anything for me yet but he says he can cook and I believe him.

♥ Who is more social?
I'd say him. We are both social people, but I can be very quiet and introverted whereas he is definitely a constant talker.

♥Who is the neat freak?
HAHA neither! Although I will say he seems to be more organized than me.

♥ Who is the more stubborn?
neither...we can't make up our mind for anything...we usually get into arguments because we give in to eachother and the other wont let them...lol!

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
He does. Every time I've spent the night with him he always woke up earlier than I did.

♥ Where was your first date?
we went to see a movie at Whitemarsh Mall. It wasn't really a "date" date but it was the first time we went out and spent money together.

♥ Who has the bigger family?
They are about the same size..except he doesn't speak to most of his family.

♥ Do you get flowers often?
no, because he doesn't have a source of income to buy me flowers right now.

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
We spent the holidays between his family and my family...thanksgiving at my house, christmas at his uncle's, and new years just the two of us.

♥ Who is more jealous?
me...it doesn't help that I'm not a very self-confident person overall...but we both get jealous at times.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
It got serious pretty quickly, especially with all the hurdles that we had to jump to stay together in the beginning. The relationship is constantly growing and maturing though, and our most recent major dispute only made us both more serious about eachother.

♥ Who eats more?
neither xD I eat just as much as he does.

♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
We both do our own laundry for now, hehe. I have a feeling that in the future it'll be me.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
definitely me, by far

♥ Who drives when you are together?
neither of us have a license right now...but in the future we'll probably take turns. we are very good about sharing, lol.

Current Mood: happy

*Rolls eyes at self* Here we go again. I hope he put this on his page for me, lol. The goofy adlibs at the end convey a sense of humor. I love it!

You all don't even wanna know, trust me. It'll probably be old news soon anyway.

Sorry I haven't updated or been reading, I don't have internet anymore! I am at the library right now, and have been for about 4 or 5 hours now, lol. Email me or facebook/myspace me and I will get back to you faster, because I generally check those more often than lj.

Current Mood: hopeful

This is my FAVORITE song right now...I listen to it on repeat on my ipod to go to sleep. =]



As I sit here and think
About all that You've done
About how You gave me Your one and only Son
And I'm trying to fathom
All that You are, but so far, Lord
You're so beyond me
I fall down in reverence
And I fall down in fear
And I'm asking You, Lord, won't You please draw near
Won't You open my eyes
So that I can see
How You are working in me

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need your love to carry me by
All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me by, by, by, by, by
To carry me by, by, by, by, by

And I lay down my life
And I put it before You
And I put all that I have in Your hands
And I'm not going to question, why You're so faithful
Why that You give me the blessing that You do
Let the glory be known, let the glory be shown
Lift You up unto the sky
You are my God, You are my King
To You I give, I give You everything

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need your love to carry me by
All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me by, by, by, by, by
To carry me by, by, by, by, by

I need your love to carry me by
won't you come and fill this heart of mine
cuz I cannot do it Lord and here I stand with my
My arms open wide askin for you to come up inside
Won't you come and fill my soul
Cuz I need your love I cannot do it alone no no
Won't you come and fill my soul
Cuz all I need, all I need, all I need is you my God

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need your love to carry me by
All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me by, by, by, by, by
To carry me by, by, by, by, by

Current Mood: cheerful

Long over due.

I'm not interested in repairing what's been broken, though. Not yet, atleast.

(Kiara)

Current Mood: relieved

Here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions of a very personal nature.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

season_changing

Current Mood: thoughtful

You know how sometimes people on your friend's list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you *should* already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out :)

Current Mood: sick

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
And twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong